IN THE GLASS

This day have been so emotionally weird. I cant explain it, but Im standing at a cross road in my life right now and Im confused as to which road to explore next. Life has been giving me so many mixed signals today, but I might just be very tired and drained of energy. I dont know. 

But I want to give myself some props for keeping up with uni, treating myself and for that thai soup I made today. 

Reminder to me, and whoever:

Remember to give your self at least 3 compliments each day. That really helps with your confidence and it makes you appreciate the small things in life. Im giving myself a compliment for the food I made, for my make up today and the way I helped someone, unselfishly. 

Love yourself a little bit extra. And fuck this retrograde. 

-M

Still trying to motivate and push my self to work harder, but my sleep (or the lack of it) keep me 2 steps back all the time. I wonder what I can do to rest my thoughts before I go to sleep, because the main issue is this that I have thousands of thoughts going through my mind right before bed time, following me into bed. At least I dont have nightmares, but I kind of wait for them to arrive soon. 

I keep telling everyone to just stop thinking but I dont follow my own advice. 

I have to remember: today was a good day, I studied, and I ate good. Im seeing my therapist tomorrow, and I feel as if this is the last time. At least for a while. 

I done so good so far, let’s get this GRIND ON. 

-M. 

I had hamburgers twice today, for breakfast and dinner. And it was my only meals, which is kind of cool to think about. I didnt really want to make a big effort and hamburgers with really good cheddar and some amazing pickles tastes fantastic. 

I stayed home all day today and it felt like a good decision. Even thou it was sunshine today, my mood wasnt ready for the outside world. Its fine and I feel like it was necessary. 

My thoughts keep drifting towards me finally going home for christmas. I have been listening to music that brings me back all day. 

Feeling fine, motivated, tired and fabulous today. 

-M

Im listening to Redbone right now. I studied all day and I came home to a reasonable time. I had amazing lunch, mediocre dinner and I just grabbed a mandarin because it gives me this christmasy feeling. Im thinking about my weight, but I also want to go grab a bag of chips at the convenient store. 

I wore my new favorite jeans that I bought at Black Friday. Even tho Im totally against the consumerism that it represents. My thought swirls, and I keep thinking about how lucky I am, but also how unlucky so many people in the world are. It makes me sad to think about, sometimes. 

I want to be a great doctor. I want to nail all of my exams and I want to have 2 weeks off in January. I guess the only thing I can do is work hard so I can jump on that airplane and enjoy life. Although I hate that taking an airplane is the only option I have to travel back home, because of the carbon foot print it causes. I love that I get to see my family, bf and friends soon. 

My therapist told me to write a journal, so here I am writing down whatever comes up. See ya. 

M.